Broken glass

It is so weird to have your dream to be like three part movie.

In the middle of this family crisis, family tends to break up, rumor starts to spread and gossip flying around like bees. It is so ugly but that is reality and it is so ugly.

I was so close to my grandparents on my father's side, more specifically my grandad because my grandma favor my first uncle's son(s). The bond was beautiful. yes, was. Until this man who cheated on his wife and he started spreading bad things about everyone to anyone. It is so horrible because it means strong bond is being untied thanks to this man's well done job.

In front of me, my father was telling bad things about my grandparents while in front of my grandparents, he told them that his children are rude supporting the mother and interfere their marriage life (really dad, really???). So obviously my grandparents took his son's side and started treating us like a piece of shit. I can sense that the moment he changed his tone when he talked to me and when he talked to his other grandchildren. He used to smile at me and the last time I went to visit him, he throw away the money I gave him in front of my face. I am not happy with that. It was so bad that during raya, my grandfather refuse to shake hands with my siblings. I kind of glad that I wasn't around at that time because I was at Seremban. I'm heartbroken up until now.

I have long given up hopes of trying to get to their good side again because trust me, for as long as my father keep on telling them about our 'involvement' in his marriage (fudge), they will hate on us. Of course this bothers me a lot!

I cried to my sleep one night because I was so depressed that Zaid woke up because he heard me sobbing in my sleep. That was the night when I dreamt of fighting with my grandparents, they were yelling at me while I was trying to tell them the truth. My grandma has already turned her back on me, literally in my dream but my grandfather seemed like he made an effort to listen (reality check, my grandfather is the one who will not listen). That was it. I woke up with pounding headache.

A day before aidiladha, I dreamed of sitting next to my grandfather, he was patting my head and he said "Don't worry Mawaddah, everything will be fine"

Ya Allah, is that a sign?

After that dream, my siblings told me that my grandfather did not want to shake their hands when my father brought them to visit my grandparents during Aidiladha, that he was playing and didn't even want to look at them. My grandmother purposely asking my dad to 'kirim salam' to his biatch (saying her name) out loud, enough for my siblings who were already out of the house to listen to.

So I took it that it was just a dream.

Last two nights it happened again. I dreamt about my grandparents called me. They were asking me to send them to places. I felt weird but I just agreed on it. While I was in the car with them, I remember had a lot of fun and I laughed a lot with them.

So what now?

A dream is just play. I guess that is how mind reacting to the things that I really wanted to happened. But it will never happened. I believe in dreams that will come true if you believe but not this one.

Believe it or not, I'm laughing right now.



With some tears.