the Get-Away

oh well there, Hello! How long has it been since I last wrote on this blog? Like super long I guess.

Okay I miss writing, a lot! but then due to the recent even that is happening, my in-laws are moving, we are moving, semester has started and before that we have to travel to KL every other week for SPACE classes, so I have been quite busy. I can hardly hold my phone now because Zain would want it to watch his videos of car and some radio control truck or hot wheels. So yeah Zaid and I decided that it would be best if we could hold in the need to look at our phone so zain would not be one of those kids who love gadget so much that he stopped looking at the world around him. It's very important that he cares fro his environment as well as to discover it.

Anyway in between here and there, I managed to get a few things done (like reading book, writing this blog and be on board with other ELF fangirling over Super Junior comeback! bahahaha) but still travelling is still seems a bit far fetched. I am praying it will happen soon though since I am yet not pregnant with second child and Zain is a little independent now.

Okay so during Malaysia Day which was declared as a holiday (don't you love Malaysia?) I managed to escape for a little while with Atiqah, her siblings, Wani and Jeni to got Tanjung Sepang. It was one hour drive from Skudai and the place is a little isolated from the pack Tanjung Balau or any other Desaru part. I like how they weren't that many people there.

(I would love to upload some picture but due to low internet connection, I can't)

It was my first beach moment after sooo many years of not seeing it and Zain's first. Zaid wasn't there to witness how happy his son was playing by the sea,chasing the wave ( I had a mini heart attack there when he was trying to chase a big wave, that dare-devil boy) and sand! At first he was all euw-get-it-of-me attitude with the sand but Kak Ainal (atiqah's kaklong) said that it will be good for his sensory motor so we just smothered sand on his hands and he ended up throwing sand around, on
other people, at me, and sometimes at his self (yeah, now I believe what people say - that baby are just smaller version of drunk adult). Ah, so much fun there. I get a little tan and torn pants (thank God that He inspired me to bring the swimsuit!) and Zain got a little red on the face and ears cause that was the area he got exposed (thanks to his uncle too-big swimsuit for him).

I wish Zaid was there but he had to help his family move. Don't get me wrong, I was there to move the heavy stuff around cause I'm superwoman like that but at least my sister-in-law know what to do when I am not around cause that seems to be the case every time I am around. No offence but I am not good at sharing task, I'd rather do things alone and this case of moving, just me and Zaid would be suffice. hehe so I get a little get-away :)

Anyway, will definitely upload some pictures when I get a better connection. till then

Kau yg ada special brother

Adik yang pakai bergaya bila berjalan ke shopping complex tapi kau ada adik yg special, sah2 penghuni jannah tapi... Haish... mak kau tgh solat tu dik, sampai hati kau biarkan adik kau yg special tu panjat2 mak kau tgh solat. Kau sikit pun x nak pegang adik kau. Sibuk senyum2 tgk hp. Bila mak kau dah settle solat, kau siap minta mak kau bawak adik kau yg special tu keluar lagi. Akak dgr kau ckp 'menyibuk'. Sampai hati kau ckp adik kau yg special tu menyibuk dik. Dia tu sah dah ada tempat kat Jannah. Kau dah sah taraf ke kat jannah tu? Akak doakan kau lebih bertanggungjawab. Mungkin kau dah jaga adik kau sepenuhnya kat rumah kan? Insha Allah la dik oi. Tapi apa yg kau buat tu memang tak patut la dik. Akak kalau ikut hati nak je bagi penampar sulong. Moga kita diberi hidayah ye dik?

I know it's hard on you too...

Well, they say to never write or say anything when you are angry because there is a terrible consequence to that.

Or have you ever heard that one should write a mistake on the sand and happiness on the stone cause mistake on sands will be washed away by the sea while happiness on the stone will stay there forever. It is to say that we should forgive and forget one's mistake and remember good traits about them.

For numerous times I have been putting up with this marriage, something deep inside me telling how marriage life is not for me, that I will be oppressed by a guy I called husband forever. Who can validate that your marriage is a happily ever after chapter in your life? No one ever has. Because marriage is a disaster if you don't know how to handle it well.

But something in my heart and brain tell me otherwise. Marriage is a test. Something Allah give to test your patience in dealing with one guy and his family for the rest of your life. A bond that Allah make to teach you about life. A tie that Allah provide cause Jannah is not an easy road.

I have been taking marriage easily. I know the way out and to be quite honest, after seeing what happen to my parents, I know I am not afraid to opt to that path. That is indeed one of the way out. It's easy but I have to bear the consequences later. But because I know for sure Jannah is not easy, I try to be patience. Just like how hard I'm trying to be patient with my husband, I'm sure he too have the same thought. I am not an easy lady to handle. I have answer to every questions and I can ask any question that I want when I am not satisfied with something.

THAT IS HARD. Imagine how hard it will be for a guy to handle me. I am rude, sarcastic, full of hate. Imagine how myhusband has been putting with all my crap for 2 years. 2 years of my crap. Must be so hard on him as well (To be fair, he has his crap too and I don't know if I can handle his). But We try to make it work.

We fight and make up
numerous times.

But at the end of the day, it's your level of iman that saves you. If you have no iman, this marriage is long abandoned. If you have no iman, then there will be hatred.

Alhamdulillah for the iman o Allah. I am thankful for that.

I am not pious but I sure understand my religion. I am still learning.

And alhamdulillah for that level iman, I have strength to forgive and my husband has the ability to forgive.

There are times when we decided to ignore each other because at that point we hate each other so much, now I think about it, for stupid reason (like he did not help me clean the house or when he is mad at me because I did not cook for him... Well, for sure he is not marrying a maid and I am not marrying a guy helper as well) but I think that works for us. We let the anger to die down because otherwise the "D" word can be easily said and done. Nauzubillah.


Well as for now, we are on silent treatment, for the better. But we will talk later insha Allah cause that is how things work between us.

Goodbye

Assalamualaikum.

Indeed... Death is best reminder for the living...
For the past few months, my relationship with my grandparents had take turn from bad to worse due to my dad's fitnah. Maybe it was tooharsh to put it like that but that was what my father did to save his ass. We were put in the worst situation and we (my siblings and I) were hated over no apparent reason. Of course this situation has made me morose. I couldn't bear the taught of losing this beautiful relationship. But that happened. We had to distanced ourselves from the home of our grandparents. Mya unties and unclus (my father's siblings) did try to talk to them but that effort seems to go down the drain as my granparents are quite stubborn to listen to any other people opinion and still want to stick behind my father's choice of words.

Until death knocked into our life.

3 weeks ago I lost my aunt due to dengue. She was one of those who wants to see my relationship with my grandparents got better, but sadly she did not live to see that. The moment I heard about her illness, I went back and forth to Hospital Sultan Ismail with Zaid and Zain. It wasn't hard on me,going back nd forth. I believe it must be hard on the family of my aunt, her children, her husband, her siblings. But the hardest must be for my grandparents to witness her daughter to leave the world before them. The first day I arrived to visit my aunt, she was admitted to ICU and was put in coma. I had to held in my tears. I can't cry I told myself. I did not deserve to shed any tears after the ruckus my family had put her through. I saw my grandparents. Salam them. But they have no interest in me. The second day I came, we had shortest chat and I remember feeling relieved of finally being able to talk to my grandmother after so many moons.

Her passing has been a blessing in disguise. After her passing, during her 7th day of tahlil, I came to help to prepare. I talked to my aunt, my grandmother was asking me for help which I am happy to hear her calling my name. My grandfather laugh at me being fat (The only time I'm glad I gained weight because finally my grandfather want to talk to me!)

After that my aunt, aunty Na decided that it's time create family whatsapp. I have never felt so close to them. I have been actively replying cause it makes me happy knowing that they too want me to be close to them. I constantly update Zain's pictures as they adore Zain so much Alhamdulillah.

The relationship between me and my grandparents had never been better after that too. I came to visit them last week and they talk to me and look at me in the eyes. Considering how they used to avoid eye-contact with me, that made me very happy.

To be honest, i am not good at making phone calls but insha Allah I will try my best to visit them on weekly basis insha Allah.

Aunty Ja, your passing is deeply miss. There will never going to be another aunt who is creative and as hard working as you are. May Allah bless you and put you in the best place in Jannah.

Al-fatihah

Curtain Call: 2013

21 days had passed by 2014, just like that. I really can relate to the phrase "How time flies" nowadays, especially when I have a baby. Do you know baby grow up sooo fast? In my case, I can't believe how fast Zain is growing up until I scroll on Zaid's old phone and look back at Zain's photos when he was 3 months or so. He was so pudgy back then. He has a lot of baby fat especially around the hand and cheeks. His hands too, so fat.

But a year has passed by and he lose a lot of weight and he is a very active baby. Ever since he learns how to walk, he can hardly sit still. Not even a second you could see him sit still. Zain wants to move around even when he is eating. Oh boy, this boy! Hopefully that will be my form of exercise since I don't have much time to do that. Pray that I will lose weight that way. Yehet! Haha

So updates on everything... Life, Family, Fandom and lately, fashion.

Life

When I mentioned life, does that means it has anything to do with work? Alhamdulillah for the good and bad things that has happened. The bad things taught me how to handle anything in life.

So life... That covers right?

Friends

It is so amazing how I get to gather such a wonderful friends after I finished university's life. After I graduated, I never really meet Falah though she just live in Kulai so it's kind of safe to say it is hopeless to see Putri and Farah. At least I still message Putri from time to time but Farah... I totally lost contact. Last time I saw her was during my wedding day and that was 2 years ago. I really hope to maintain this friendship. But it seems hard when you are the only who is eager. I just miss them. Looking back at this blog, a lot of fond memories with them was carefully stored here. Hopefully I will be able to gather with them someday.

Jasmine is my forever besties. She never leave me, here with me spiritually and physically and she stays. I am so glad to have such a loyal friend. Jasmine is living her dream now, managed to get scholarship to continue her study in UK. I remember being so jealous when I saw her taking picture in front 221B and then when she was in Spain. But I know how happy she is. She has been telling me about this plan of hers since after she graduated so I am soooo glad when I received her call about her sudden flight to UK. I know I will be there at the airport to welcome her back later this year insha Allah

3. 3 ladies I have never imagine to be close to back in high school. 3 ladies by the name Kak Amirah, Kak Munibah and 'Atiqah. Masya Allah they are such an amazing crowd of people! I can talk with them about ANYTHING! You name it: dakwah stuff, movie, nerdie stuff, family, people around us.... WHATEVER!!! Anything under the sun! How amazing is that? Alhamdulillah. I owe Atiqah a lot since she was the one who get me to know these people (She also introduced me to her Uni's friends, Turds. Cool people too!) 

Family

I have a great husband alhamdulillah. I have a very active son alhamdulillah. I have a great mother subhanallah. My siblings is still as crazy as ever nauzubillah (in a good way I mean this one). I am still adapting having someone else who is not my mother but I have to treat her like a mother aka mother in law. I know it has been two years but still... It's hard right? But alhamdulillah Ummi is someone with fikrah so she is not too bad. 

Fandom

Never say goodbye to Super Junior, I am still a huge fan of them. I am forever ELF. It was a bit sad when I cannot watch them live in concert last year because I did not get the permission from my husband but it's okay. My husband is just a caring guy so it's all good. I am now waiting for something new to come up. I guess they will be releasing something after Leetuk's discharges.

EXO- love-hate relationship still. But mostly love

Bye Yoona. I am supporting you in GG. But you and Seung Gi... Oh well, I hope it last for good. Good luck.

Hope for YoonHae shattered. 

Tom Hiddleston. Benedict Cumberbatch.

EVERYBODY, PLEASE WATCH BBC's SHERLOCK BECAUSE IT'S BLOODY AWESOME!

The Graham Norton Show (Bloody wicked this man.. is he gay?)

Fashion

I am soo into dressing up nowadays. It's no longer putting up what's easy and what's practical. Nowadays I found myself ironing stuff just so I could match this with that. WHAAAT??? Is this how marriage change you? No wait, wrong statement. IS THIS HOW HAVING A SON CHANGE YOU? Haha amazing alhamdulillah. I even willing to splurge a little (not that little) on buying a good sewing machine because not everything I like I can buy or wear, especially if they are not nursing friendly. So I made the effort to make them. I like making jubah, so easy. 

I even made an effort to put on shawl!

I made this shawl and the best part about this material is, I don't have to iron it (still into practicality)

This obsession just starts recently so I am still learning. I'm trying to mix and match everything and anything and making sure it works fabulously with my current body type. Alhamdulillah so far I maged to maintain modesty and covering the aurah. I hope I will always be consistent on this matter 

I love nude color. It has its own statement.

I am pretty bad with conclusion but I still need to sum up everything.

Life has been great thus far. I know insha Allah no matter how bad it will be in the future, there will still be hope for a better day. The choice of making it good or bad is in our hands. We make the decisions. Don't let others interfere your life by simply believing what they say. You want to make your life good? You work on it.

I hope to be  able to travel far this year. Somewhere outside Malaysia would be nice but I'm praying to go to Umrah. and I want to go visit Jasmine in London. Pray for meee