I know it's hard on you too...

Well, they say to never write or say anything when you are angry because there is a terrible consequence to that.

Or have you ever heard that one should write a mistake on the sand and happiness on the stone cause mistake on sands will be washed away by the sea while happiness on the stone will stay there forever. It is to say that we should forgive and forget one's mistake and remember good traits about them.

For numerous times I have been putting up with this marriage, something deep inside me telling how marriage life is not for me, that I will be oppressed by a guy I called husband forever. Who can validate that your marriage is a happily ever after chapter in your life? No one ever has. Because marriage is a disaster if you don't know how to handle it well.

But something in my heart and brain tell me otherwise. Marriage is a test. Something Allah give to test your patience in dealing with one guy and his family for the rest of your life. A bond that Allah make to teach you about life. A tie that Allah provide cause Jannah is not an easy road.

I have been taking marriage easily. I know the way out and to be quite honest, after seeing what happen to my parents, I know I am not afraid to opt to that path. That is indeed one of the way out. It's easy but I have to bear the consequences later. But because I know for sure Jannah is not easy, I try to be patience. Just like how hard I'm trying to be patient with my husband, I'm sure he too have the same thought. I am not an easy lady to handle. I have answer to every questions and I can ask any question that I want when I am not satisfied with something.

THAT IS HARD. Imagine how hard it will be for a guy to handle me. I am rude, sarcastic, full of hate. Imagine how myhusband has been putting with all my crap for 2 years. 2 years of my crap. Must be so hard on him as well (To be fair, he has his crap too and I don't know if I can handle his). But We try to make it work.

We fight and make up
numerous times.

But at the end of the day, it's your level of iman that saves you. If you have no iman, this marriage is long abandoned. If you have no iman, then there will be hatred.

Alhamdulillah for the iman o Allah. I am thankful for that.

I am not pious but I sure understand my religion. I am still learning.

And alhamdulillah for that level iman, I have strength to forgive and my husband has the ability to forgive.

There are times when we decided to ignore each other because at that point we hate each other so much, now I think about it, for stupid reason (like he did not help me clean the house or when he is mad at me because I did not cook for him... Well, for sure he is not marrying a maid and I am not marrying a guy helper as well) but I think that works for us. We let the anger to die down because otherwise the "D" word can be easily said and done. Nauzubillah.


Well as for now, we are on silent treatment, for the better. But we will talk later insha Allah cause that is how things work between us.