No hate.

Sometimes this is what I feel:

STRONG HATRED!

But then it's impossible to hate a family much less your own mother. Yes, it was my mistake but then must she did what she did and said what she said? This is clear to me then: Even if you do Qiam every night but when you cannot control your anger, satan will still be there right? Children are test to a mother and a mother is a blessing to children.

Having someone who literally screamed at me is a blessing cause at least I have someone to remind me and all but then the words spoken right after that.... it stabbed me right in the heart, I feel like killing myself right then. No wonder they say pen are sharper than sword, words hurt more than knife. That was what I felt. So this morning, with anger, I walked out of home. However, with guilt, I drive away. I don't want to go out without kissing my mother but then after every word she uttered, I have no mood to even say goodbye. Even when she mumbled, I stuffed my ears with earphones so I feel less hurt. I know it was not good and it was rude but it was totally unbearable. I don't want you to put yourself in my shoes and I don't seek for understanding as write this entry because I admit it was my fault that I refuse to get out of the bed in the morning because I was too tired. My mother was mad.

It hurts.

I'll be better in a few days so if you see my next entry all praise my mum, don't be surprise. Things like this happen sometimes. My mum just being a mum and me I'm being a stubborn daughter that I am which I don't want to be but already am being.

and looking at it, having license now is a good thing, I can just drive away as soon as I get the car key whenever I feel like going away. And it's a wonderful thing that I don't have to get married. I just want to get out of the house.... That is how I feel now. I will say a whole different thing tomorrow...maybe.